the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
