I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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