I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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