About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
