so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
