he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
