i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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