Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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