I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
