life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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