I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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