I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
