did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
