Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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