Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
