i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
