overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
