its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
