Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
