You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
