Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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