You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
