Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
