Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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