my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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