bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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