I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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