We won't sleep together?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
