They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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