Cold hands, warm shart.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
