every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
