Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
