i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
