i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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