Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
