he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
