I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
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