im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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