Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
