And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
