All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
