Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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