I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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