That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
