You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
