is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
