still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
