More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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