So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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