either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I need to stop coming to work sober
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
